No human can feel the pain of another. No, you can’t feel my pain. You can’t feel my pain because you do not know it. In the same way, I can’t experience the pain of others or any other emotional excitements to the degree in which they experience it; that is how they can’t understand or experience mine.
You have to know it to feel it. So, before saying, “I feel your pain”, think again.
For many years, I have always maintained a simple stance: do not make light of people’s situation, no matter what it is. And today, I am adding this, don’t jump to a quick “I understand” cos truthfully, most times, we don’t. Have you ever wondered why the famous saying goes, “I am happy for you”, and not I am happy with you? Well, I got an answer today, and as the Sharer that I am, it will be a selfish thing not to share with the house.
The wisdom in proverbs speaks so clearly in Chapter 14:10. Let us explore a few versions to get the message home.
The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle with his joy. (KJV)
When you are happy, you yourself are happy.
When you are sad, you yourself are sad.
Nobody else is happy or sad with you. (EASY)
Don’t expect anyone else to fully understand
both the bitterness and the joys
of all you experience in your life. (TPT)
When you are sad, no one else feels the pain;
And when you are happy,
No one else can really feel the joy. (ERV)
Your joy is your own; your bitterness is your own.
No one else can share them with you. (GNT)
Only the person involved can know his own bitterness
Or joy. No one else can really share it. (TLB)
We see that the scripture backs it up, so it is true. This says that it is a lie when a person says I feel your pain. As much as it is aimed at consoling the one feeling grief or unexplainable emotion, no lie ever does anyone good in the immediate or long run. So, I will take lady wisdom’s counsel and stand with the truth, which is also a fact.
Here is how to factually console or show empathy, “I admit that I can never understand your pain at the degree you are experiencing it. But I have also felt the sting of pain which makes us all humans. I admit that I don’t feel your pain, but I will not allow this pain to see the end of you. So, I ask that you tell me how I can ease the pain you feel, and I will work with whatever template you give.”
As we digest the above…
Allow me to quickly introduce to you the one who has not allowed the different shades of pain life has thrown at me to see my end. I call him my therapist, psycho-analyst, and mental health maintainer. He is the one who custom-made this heart of mine, giving it an elastic texture so it won’t break. He is the only one who feels my pain to the exact degree, And I dare say he deems it much more than I do, which always makes his treatments effective. After all, he created it in the first place and sees its functionality. He is my maker, husband, friend, Lord, lover, saviour, the God of all my days, Jesus the Christ.
Christ alone knows how to heal my pain so well that it feels like the pain never existed. I can’t put it in words to say this is how he does it because every time, it is a different therapy, the same way I can’t explain the tangibility of these different shades of pain. But my heart’s wholeness cannot lie to itself, for it is proof that attests to the fact that no matter the degree of pain, grief, shattered and scattered emotions, or joy, there is that one person who experiences it all with me in the most intimate of ways.
I hope you will let him experience it all with you, and most importantly, remember that he custom-made your heart, so allows him to maintain all that comes with your heart’s travails and victories.
Much love and light. *Wink