The eighteenth of August two-thousand and sixteenth, came with a hard pill to eat up. One with a sour taste I won’t forget in a haste. Life does have a way of throwing curve balls, doesn’t she? Oft times, preparation regardless; we just don’t see her balls coming.
You recognize that feeling of thinking you are right now in a good place and all is looking really positive (even when you are not the direct recipient @light at the end of the tunnel), because it seem for a tiny bit everyone is on the same page finally and nothing can shake that formation. Then boom, the unexpected forces itself in. It was such a serious shake and more, on that ‘’Hmmm day’’.
At a much younger age, I came across these words which stuck with me ever since. “Expect the unexpected so when it comes it won’t sweep you off your feet.” These words have been genuinely helpful at different occasions, considering how eventful my life’s journey has been thus far.
Was the above helpful yet again? Yes, it sufficed. My feet were swept quite alright, but I did not fall off the radar entirely. My to go philosophical above lines, couldn’t take me all the way this time. No, wait, no it didn’t.
I’ve taken with the recent blow — some balls still strike the hardest even when you expect the unexpected. Even when you await it all, which stands as a ground for preparedness.
For the first time in a long while, I couldn’t place how I felt in the second. (As I so pride myself in living in the Here-and-Now) I didn’t feel like feeling anything. I felt like feeling absolutely nothing. But right there, in that place of many unpleasant energies, it occurred to me. “Whatever you choose to feel and however long you choose to feel about this, all depends on you. You can’t control this done did, but, you can sure decide to accept this as yet another life’s challenge. You have the choice to keep moving on in love or allow this stop you from loving, and space out completely from it all. You have the choice to keep believing the best there is in this lovely soul, or not. Though you can’t stand her sight right now.’’
It still doesn’t make any logical sense to me — what happened, why, and how it came about. Maybe it won’t pull in no sense, ever. Maybe it would. That’s life folks. Life happens.
So did I make that choice? Permit me to ask a question, real quick. Who tastes freedom, after savoring all its juicy goodness; and then chooses captivity? I guess we all know what I chose.
August eighteenth came along, and left a huge dramatic change in the dynamics of things; one that is so demanding. Feelings, all fell apart that day. No one explained anything — the hurt was so thick in the air and rose in great degrees by the minute. Even then, I smiled. (Though faint). The formation was greatly tampered with — still trying to find a way to fit it altogether in a piece. Not sure the exact role to play or the exact way to feel about it all, just yet. I hope love finds me a landing ground.
I look back on that day, today, and I still can’t honestly put into words the state of the emotions felt, the minute the result was announced. But this much I know:
I don’t break down simply because the blow is heavy. I am tougher than hard.
I don’t break up on a loved one simply because a mistake was made, no matter how costly.
I choose not to sit on the seat of Miss. Perfection, just because I am not the ‘’mistake- maker’’.
I will stand her sight and embrace in love. (Though I feel the urge of slapping her every few hours.)
I will respect her deeply unexpressed pain.
I will ask my heart to empathize.
I will not criticize.
I will pray for her to heal.
I am in a great place today. I take solace in my truth: I have the strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, giving thanks to my Father who makes me strong enough to partake in all things bright and beautiful that He has for us (My family). The heat is still on, but I am happy that we are enduring as a unit. We stand strong as a family whose foundation is found upon Christ Jesus the Rock that cannot be shaken. This affords me the confidence that this particular heat would blow off before long.
My smile is no longer faint, but very strong. It is an in your face sort of smile, Mrs Life. I am sure you can’t brush off my wide grin today. Throw as many curve balls as you wish to. I have but one option, ”To Keep Rising Above Them All.”
”I choose to view this as another ingredient that has been added to ‘The Soup’.’’
In all, I give thanks, for it is the will of God for those who are in Christ Jesus.It’s a good day, today. I live and take in… My Here-and-Now, as the happily joyful child I am.And you, Mrs Life can’t do nothing more or less. I know that tomorrow will be another full day. I smile today, to face tomorrow, heads on. *Wink.
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