I have a niece, yes, who, no matter what you ask her or how many times you ask; gives a firm answer of just two words… “NO”. She says NO like there is no tomorrow, that’s how constantly determined she is. Even when at the close of the day, the conversation, or the interrogation session is over, and eventually the answer is a yes… She gives a NO first. Most of the time, you find out her answer is a yes.
Please follow me…, She says no then she explains, leaving you with discovering the YES. If you don’t find a yes, but finds a no; then she is like, well I said no already. But if you do find a yes, then…. It’s all so good. This young lady is only 12, for the records.
It’s amusing how these young minds work, right? Yeah. They surprise me daily. These smart heads simply don’t want to get caught. They lay it out there, you decide what you think it is.
When she is at it, it’s gets pretty funny plus annoying. You need to see or hear her in action to fully understand the picture I tried painting above. With that typed, it is interesting to recognize that she’s already imbibed something. Which is, “It is more honorable to say a NO she is more sure about, than, say a YES she isn’t certain about.” Whenever she does this, I simply smile. Reason is, I have always passed on loads of NO’s as answers in my lifetime than I have YES’, and I still do (smiles). It’s become pretty easy now, and I won’t stop with my NO’s. If I have to say fifty-one to a hundred NO’s, just to pass one YES, I am certain about, I am willing to stick with it.
This is how I view it: When I say no, there is no more commitment moving forward. When I say yes, suddenly a bunch of strings start to tie together. You feel me? It’s possible with my Yes response, some masses will follow up for results, hold me to my words, or just to study if my yes checks out. With the above considered, I’ll instead submit a no answer that I can truly stand by than a yes, that could potentially put me in trouble, or make me appear like a liar.
“I will always, always, always say a No, over a Yes I am not ready for.”
I watch and listen to people give Yes answers for many reasons, which makes me wonder if they must respond with a Yes at all, even when they don’t mean to say a yes. It sure beats me!
Below are some observations about my experience.
- Some Say Yes Out Of Courtesy.
‘’I don’t want to offend the other person.com@ good manners.’’ What we fail to understand and most time over look is the fact that, we can say no out of good manners, too.”
I remember a while back, I was in the kitchen cleaning the dishes, then I heard in my spirit, don’t say yes out of courtesy. This was regarding a part of my life. Here it goes…’ If you are ever going to host me, I will let you know ahead the things I do not consume (That’s if I am comfortable enough to eat your food). For those I do not have the opportunity to inform ahead, I am quick to say, “ No. I’ll just have water, thank you.’’ In truth, no matter how nice it looks, I will say no thanks. This has helped me in other areas of my life over the long time. Let’s skip those other areas for today.
I recall one event just now. It was the usual Monday morning meeting (Triple M) smiles, to evaluate the past week quickly, and address new task for the new work week. It became a routine for a special lady to share snacks just before the meeting ends. So this lady gives everyone as usual (and I say my famous two letters… No). Then, this very day, she served the same thing. You would have imagined she knew the answer already, right? And not bother adding up to my seat. As she stretched her hands towards me, my then department head said, Mrs. X, don’t you know her answer already? Then she went on, the young woman is so annoyingly disciplined. How does a young girl say no to something sweet. I was 23 going on 24 at this time (but looked 15), can’t blame her. Lol. I felt exceedingly good in that moment. It was a compliment, what she had slightly noted. For a lady that busy to notice my annoyingly disciplined self (Smiles); just goes to prove that people are constantly watching and listening to take you up on your word. And check out your consistency.
- Some Say Yes Because They Don’t Desire To Hurt The Other Person.
What they often don’t catch is, when you give the yes response when you meant to give a no is enough hurt in itself, when they get to find out. You make them believe they are unworthy of the truth and not strong enough to handle it. Painful pinch, I tell you, it cuts pretty deep. Depriving them of a choice they would have made if only you were bold enough to give a No answer. Truth is, If only some guys and ladies were courageous enough to say no when they had the chance and saw the signs, most stories won’t end the way they did/do today. And if only some boldly and accurately delivered a yes answer, they won’t be stuck for life now.
Flip the above. Others got blessed by either sincerely saying yes or no, which today is a successfully blissful story. Hence, it’s not always negative just to note.
- Some Say Yes Out Of Pressure.
I am always thankful this is not my reality. Even under very intense pressure (please I am not here attempting to sound perfect, far from it), I only try to clear my mind to give the appropriate answer after carefully listening to my heart and checking with my head. Even if it doesn’t sit well with you, once my response is no, I wouldn’t switch it to a yes, simply to get you to smile or make my way to your good books.
I will give you an instance quickly. Two weeks back, I was on a call with a great lady. Somehow, we got talking about her wedding, and she said, you’ll be on my bridal train. I honestly didn’t let her finish before I gave a resounding, “ No, that’s not going to happen” response. She said, oh, I am hurt. I said to her, you know I love you too much to hurt you, but truth be told, take me off that list because I won’t accept it. She further asked, why. I handed her my sincere reason and we agreed. I will be there to cheer you up as God permits, my lady, but not as a bride’s train personnel.
Like I stated earlier, if I must present fifty-one to a hundred NO’s to give one true YES, why not. In the end, I will be the only one to stand by my answer (either yes or no), and live up to it.
There is so much to write on this subject, and so many other instances. But I need to be considerate, so I choose not to further drag you through another instance.
What this long epistle is all about, is a really simple one. Let your “yes be yes”, and your “no be no”.It saves everyone a great deal of stress, head-heartache, trouble, trauma. Plus, it helps you sleep like a well fed baby at night, as you go along in the day peacefully. When you give your yes or no response, and it gets to Indonesia or Australia, everyone is certain you mean it. More like, did he say yes, then, yes it is.
As I wrap this up, please allow me add this quickly. Do not be apologetic about your “NO or YES”. Mean it, stand by it. ‘’Make certain, you are not saying yes with your lips and your heart is screaming the loudest NO, and vice versa.’’ *wink.
Please do share below, more or less of your yes or no moments. What’s your take on this subject?
Are you the ‘’constant NO’’ response person like myself, or the ‘’constant YES’’ person, or the blend of both?
I’d really like to read your comments.7